Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
