Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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