Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
