So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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