your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
