I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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