so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
