i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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