Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
