You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
