The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
