So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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