his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My cat gives me a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
