Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
