You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
