Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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