just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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