i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
