I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
