I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
