Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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