I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
