dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
