We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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