My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
