69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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