Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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