dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
