can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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