I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
one might say we're banned from that church
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
