Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BRING THE BAGELS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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