Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
