I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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