dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
