It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
