Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
