my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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