How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
