That's intense
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
