Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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