Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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