shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I pour the whiskey from now on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
