There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
