No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
