Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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