just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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