i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
