I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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