Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
