I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
