mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
