Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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