I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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