your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
