It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
